Verizon woes

Last week we lost phone service and hence our Internet connection via Verizon DSL. It took them a week to fix it and no one even had to show up. It seemed like all they had to do was flip a switch.
I first called to let Verizon know that we did not have DSL. There was an automated system on the phone that tested the line and said it was okay.
I then called them to say that our phones were out and again, an automated system tested the line and said it was okay. I then asked to speak to an agent who tested the line and said it was okay. But she had me unplug all the phone jacks and plugged them back in to verify that there was no dial tone. Next she asked me go outside the house and plug the phone into the NID unit to call back once I had verified that there was no dial tone. I called back and received the automated system again which now noted that there was a problem log and asked me if I wanted to send out a technician. I responded yes at which the line was tested again and NOW there was a problem.
1. What were the first 2 tests about?
2. Why did it take 1 week to get service restored? I decided to give VZ the benefit of the doubt since there had been several tornadoes in the metro DC area and they might have been a little overwhelmed. Still, some explanation would have been nice.

I called Verizon again several times:
1. To see if I could get credit on our phone bill. I was told it would be prorated to the the number of days there was no service. True enough when I received the bill, it was not prorated.
2. I called DSL to see if I could get alternative service but all they could offer me was:
a. Dial-up (haha - the phone's out dudes)
b. Try to tap into a neighbor's network (excuse me, but isn't Congress about to pass a bill to make this a crime?)
3. I asked for a wireless data laptop card that could be issued for the duration of the outage but they declined to offer me one.

All in all a very unstatisfactory experience with Verizon. We would like to switch to cable but unfortunately, when Comcast came out last year they realized that there was no "cable tap" that they could use to run a line into the house. (Any recourse for me here? Should I complain to Montgomery County or Comcast?) Given my negative experience you'd think I'd know better but what about FIOS? Well, it turns out our next door neighbor as well as our neighbor behind us has FIOS available but not us. What gives? Satellite Internet? I was advised against it due to latency issues so it looks like we're stuck with VZ. Uggh!