After writing this post I remembered about FIOS.
It is available in our neighborhood but with our dumb luck, would you believe that our neighbor next door and our neighbor behind us both have access to FIOS but we don't. I called Verizon to ask them why and they didn't know. Said they would have a tech check it out and get back to us. Right! It's been a month and I haven't heard a thing.
I'm beginning to think that I should start guest blogging on http://whyihatedc.blogspot.com/ not that this is a problem that is unique to DC.